Muscles by the Bushel
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It might
be a new
year, but
it looks
like the
same ole’ people,
places
and things
to me.
Not that
I’m
complaining,
mind you,
but after
the big
year-end
fuss one
would expect
... well...
newness.
Instead,
it’s
sameness;
the same
cedar house
under the
same morning
sky, and
there’s
dear Laree
by the
redwood
tree; then
there’s
Mugsy and
me and
our SUV.
Forgive
me, please.
I’m
cold
and given
to generalizations,
forgetting
there’s
a world
beyond
my own.
Self-centered,
I guess
you’d
call
it, the
regrettable
condition
to which
we all
as individuals
frequently
succumb.
Of course,
we prefer
kinder
terms
to describe
our egoism
-- point
of view,
perspective,
opinion
and attitude
do nicely.
Whatever,
attitudes,
like
old-fashioned
single-band
radios,
require
constant
tuning
to eliminate
the static
and communicate
the sound,
the message
loud
and clear.
Babies
have been
born, couples
have married,
somebody’s
won, another
has lost
and someone’s
got a new
puppy.
Things
will never
be the
same. Events
of recent
days have
been catastrophic
for many
folks in
every corner
of the
planet.
Their world
has changed
forevermore.
Enter the
emergency
room or
ICU of
any hospital,
the red
zone in
Iraq or
a stricken
beach fronting
the Indian
Ocean,
in each
place another
episode
unfolds,
another
scene is
witnessed,
another
view observed
and story
told.
Some
points
of view,
perspectives
and attitudes
are fixed
by circumstances.
Some
circumstances
are fixed
by points
of view,
perspectives
and attitudes.
Knowing
this,
if we
care,
the smart
thing
to do
is accentuate
the latter
and decentuate
the former.
We ought
to take
control
of our
circumstances,
bombers,
wherever
and whenever
we can.
Think
right,
act right
-- an
artful
and effortful
cooperation.
I trained the last day of the year, just as I promised, and hit my first workout of 2005 on Monday the 3rd, shoulders, back and chest, now that you mention it. For this mad bodybuilder, working shoulders and chest is like vigorously grasping and passionately fondling hot coals in hopes of achieving a mean burn in the delts and a sizzling pump in the pecs. I wrap the right wrist and elbow, employ my improvised thick-grip device, use hand pads and push with all my might. The earth does not quake.
The bar of the Smith Press goes up slowly. (I hear snickering.) The facial expressions that accompany the stunted exercise are hideous. I add weight with each set, striving for maximum muscle contraction in the deltoids. One does what one must do. What I achieve is magnified pain and amplified facial distortions, including bulging eyes, quivering lips and an extended, thrashing tongue. By now I’m gurgling. Witnesses unaccustomed to my display of horrors try not to look, but they’re transfixed. They wonder, is this an act? Is he having a seizure, will he explode, has someone called 911, is this what happens to aging champs too proud to let go?
I complete the last rep of the unsightly set with aplomb, promptly rise and confidently stride to the cable machine for wide-grip pulldowns behind the neck. "Oh, no. He’s going for the kill!" These I do with a blissful smile and subdued whimpers of contentment. "He’s crazy," they correctly conclude and go back to their own business. They’re new, they haven’t seen anything yet.
What a way to start the new year: hideous and grotesque horrors combined with quivering bulges and subdued, whimpering bliss. Just another workout. Before ya know it, it’ll be Christmas, only 355 shopping days left.
All’s well that ends well. All’s well that starts well. This is going to be the best year yet.
Right about now -- five days into 2005 -- is the perfect time for attitude consciousness, or more specifically, attitude adjustment and development. Construction of bis and tris and thighs will surely follow. There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that how we think affects who we are and how we perform. Approach life with enthusiasm and high hopes and we aspire; fulfilled and encouraged we look forward to tomorrow. View the day before us with gloom and defeat and by the day’s end we are another step back and suffering. Tomorrow things will surely get worse. Woe is me.
Here we note two distant viewpoints with most of us falling somewhere in between.
Attitudes are tricky and require our attention and support, practice and tender-loving care. They just happen if we let them, which is fine when they’re good. But a good attitude is not a sure thing in a world full of snakes, snarling beasts, tsunamis, RPGs and IEDs. We need to develop them like our muscles and cardiovascular system. Attitudes need help and hard work.
I don’t mean pumping up our attitudes with air -- foul air, at that -- by sucking in the contemporary cliches and hoaxes stuck in our face by commercial TV and universal teaching: you can be and do anything you want, live your dreams, take control of your life, think big live big, you are who you think you are. Nope. This huffing and puffing is as valid and worthwhile as a doctorate from smartypantsdegrees.com. This stuff does more to dull our minds and sharpen our desires to buy something we don’t need: more beer, exotic perfume, brighter hair coloring or a Caddy SUV.
Get real.
How to
Build Confidence,
Wealth,
Relationships
or Sales
in Ten
Days and
other books
and tapes
on winning
can assist
us in outlining
some mental
techniques
and point
us in a
definite
direction,
but is
it the
right direction,
or toward
greed,
power and
self-centeredness?
The devil’s
adornments
we do not
need and
dare not
embrace.
Keep your
eyes and
ears open,
eager readers
of how-to
hot-tips
and glean
the gems
from the
jelly beans.
Consider
this,
bombardiers:
Attitude,
our so-called
state-of-mind
as we
enter
upon
our daily
activities,
is not
so much
an intellectual
position
as it
is a
condition
of the
heart.
We don’t
proceed
with
our training
and say
it will
be this
way or
that,
and therefore
succeed
or fail.
In real
terms
we win
or lose
because
of our
abilities,
inherent
and developed,
and the
heart
and soul
that
accompany
them.
Of course,
the mind
is not
disconnected,
but at
some
point
the less
we rely
on it
the better
we perform.
The heart
and soul
in their
union
look
and smell
like
one’s
instincts
and trust,
powerful
allies.
These
noble
advocates,
when
active
in a
man or
woman,
prompt
excitement
and certainty
and action,
a potent
concoction.
Attitude,
because
of its
essential
role
and influence
in our
lives,
must
be regularly
attended.
This
is done
not with
a tool,
a mantra
or the
rod,
but with
vigilance,
loving
persuasion
and down-right
suffering
need.
Attitude
and its
glory
must
be recognized,
called
forth,
welcomed
and practiced
regularly
-- or
in a
single
word,
cultivated.
Pessimism
and thoughts
of defeat
must
be treated
as yapping
dogs
whose
bite
will
never
reach
our ankle.
Chase
them
away
with
a snarl
from
the gut;
they
cower
when
we show
them
our contempt.
I offer my deep insights, as usual, after much wonder, empirical research, sound guesswork, tea-leaf readings and the liberal use of my trusty thesaurus. No sense going forward with the surrounding facts and enlightenments if we doubt their reliability, right? Right!
This has probably happened to you: you’re heading for the gym in a rage because life is unfair; there are jerks everywhere, vehicles are literally parked on the freeways, bills are piling up and time is slipping away. You forgot all about the significance of your workout, how it restores your balance and revitalizes the body and mind. Your attitude is revolting and, like lint on a black dress shirt, you’ve failed to notice and fix it. Small thing, big consequences. You arrive at the gym a mess.
The weights are ugly, heavy, dull and pointless. Not. You’re head’s screwed on wrong, rude dude, but don’t despair. You notice the misalignment, the first requirement to a healthy mind, and it’s never too late to make amends. Right attitude. Anyone else would have said, "What’s the use? I’m miserable and I’m outta' here. See ya." Wrong attitude.
Bomber Principle # 9: A good attitude reaps a good workout and a good workout harvests a good attitude. Conversely, a crummy attitude reaps a crummy workout and so on.
Be aware of the power of habit, good and bad. Habits can make or break you, skydivers. They can be the wind beneath your wings, or the turbulence that cause you to crash.
Do not fall victim to the downward cycle. You’re in control of this one. And don’t merely put on a happy face. I dislike happy faces intensely, don’t you? False does not work well around iron and steel, muscle and might. You need a real-life attitude adjustment, now. Here’s where you must recall the worth of your positive perspective, the consequences of your negative perspective, the strength you gain and internally display and the goodtime feeling you enjoy when you choose the former, and the utter dismay of the latter. I’d rather rot than suffer dismay, wouldn’t you?
I repeat Bomber Principle # 8: Attitude and its glory must be recognized, called forth, embraced and practiced regularly -- or in a single word, cultivated.
You are cultivating, the farmer bomber at work in fields of metal.
I’d rather be flying. Maintain your attitude and your altitude, Bomb Squad.
Fly high... DD
>>>
Another breaking story from Washington, D.C., slightly modified, embellished, colorized and prefabricated to clearly reflect the views of the author and editor.
The Bomber addressing the Twentieth Annual Presidential Committee for World Leadership:
"I’m all for training like a madman -- this must be done -- and pouring protein and other major musclebuilding ingredients into the body on a regular basis. But, as you honorable ladies and gentlemen before me, I don’t always have the time or means to sit down and eat a nutritious meal necessary for the cause. I, after all, have a real job. And certainly I’m not going to neglect my responsibility to my health, vitality and long life and my deep interest in building muscle and might. We see too much of that on all levels of society across the nation and it is my aim to see such personal dishonor among our citizens come to an end. You can expect more on this critical subject tomorrow morning in my dissertation on war and peace at the Pentagon.
So, what do I do to overcome the epidemic of malnutrition, you ask -- and you ask, no doubt, that you may know what to do as well. I commend you for seeking wise counsel, my friends. I concoct quick blends of Bomber Blend powder and juice, water or milk. The mix is instant, delectable and rich in the elements that revitalize muscles and energy and promote clear thinking and high performance.
See our recently released Top Secret Formula for your assurance.
Consider: You’re fighting the enemy, but it’s been three hours since you’ve last fed the body. Three scoops of Bomber Blend in eight ounces of water, down the hatch and you’re fired up and all-powerful. The enemy falls. No time lost, no ground lost.
You’re balancing the budget, Sirs and Madams, and there’s no time for lunch and drinks at the club. Tough! Two scoops of Bomber Blend, classic vanilla, in a glass of juice, stir with a straw and, like one trillion plus one trillion equals two trillion, you are sipping an elixir of life. Brain waves crackle, shoulders roll back into position and a smile crosses your lips as you propose creative ways to save by spending money wisely and eliminating pork-barrel spending.
What an efficient meal at such a small cost, your economical mind observes. What a savings in household budgets! What a wholesome addition to the people’s menu, a point to underline when speaking on the difficult subject of national health. You suggest Bomber Blend be included in school cafeteria programs, and fast food and sugar be removed. What courage, what foresight! You’re standing now before your mentors and declaring, 'Save our kids, feed them right, save our country.'
There is inspired applause and you wave broadly for several long moments, bow and humbly retreat. We thank you, Sir, Madam."
The Bomber, reporting from Capitol Hill.
An addendum to my notes will include a summary of our certain need for Super Spectrim vitamins and minerals to complete the mighty foundation in our achieving personal and worldwide courage and strength, love and freewill, peace and democracy, mass and muscularity.
dd
Perfect timing for a new training log!
And you can grab yourself some Bomber Blend elixir here
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