Lost and Found Department

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Some folks collect rare coins, stamps or antique cars -- precious, impressive and a joy to the owner. The fascinating items are appropriately stored in safe places and admired by enthusiasts on special occasions. Sometimes they are traded or sold for large sums of money.

I collect old forgotten facts and similar abstract collectables relative to exercise and fitness (I also have a garage full of rusty scrap metal). They’re valuable, yet don’t cost a dime. People seek them as precious gold nuggets, yet I find them in plain sight on any gym floor. Once found they are not stored under lock and key, they are applied and utilized regularly. And I don’t trade them or sell them for large sums of money; I give them away to anyone who can use them.

Not a week goes by at the gym that I’m not reminded of an effective exercise, training technique or nutritional truth that has slipped through the ever-widening cracks in my mind. It’s unnecessary to research the internet or the magazine stand to discover late-breaking methods for developing muscle and might, especially since there aren’t any late-breaking methods for developing muscle and might. Simply keep your eyes open while bombing it on the gym floor.
 
My most recent acquisition was the old misplaced fact that red meat is the main muscle mass and strength builder. I know that grey-bearded fact, controversial as it might be in the fields of soy beans, but it had gotten buried in a heap of junk. I’ve gotten busy in the past week, and lazy, and I also allowed my stash of skirt steaks to dwindle. Amid this catastrophe I leaned on tuna, sardines and shrimp and milk products to fulfill my protein needs.

Within the seven-day period, I dropped weight and gained a noticeable degree of muscularity. Swell! I felt trim, my energy was solid but, alas, my strength took a nosedive. I noted, too, a sense of impermanence, instability and vulnerability in my physical condition. I had lost a margin of internal and external resistance and feared I could topple if bumped by a stray virus or an out-of-control squirrel, skateboard or bocci ball. A hint of frailty has the odor of death.

Where’s the beef -- the preferred amino acid balance, the B-complex and additional fats that hard working, musclebuilding boys and girls need? I hopped in my truck and made a carnivorous dash for the butcher while my Foreman Grill warmed. Within three days my lost pounds and power were restored. The masses once again parted as I stomped across the earth’s surface. I am the Meat Man.

I lost sight, too, of the importance of stockpiling nutrient-high carbs the night before a pre-planned monster workout. Busyness, routine and diluted motivation once again distracted me and I mislaid another nutritional basic. We need a ready supply of top-quality fuel and ammo in the tough and enduring battle to build muscle. When advancing in your workouts, don’t neglect your small yet significant late night meal. It restores and readies the fighting machine. A Bomber Blend shooter -- 2 scoops Blend in 6 ounces of water, juice or milk -- does the job. Baboom! Convenient, certain and non-filling.

Here’s the killer. I’m watching a couple of nerd-types (I am not a prejudiced person, some of my best friends are nerds) out of the corner of my eye as I carefully attend my workout preparations. One’s wearing Bermuda shorts and knee-high socks and a spiffy happysoftware.com t-shirt, the other’s in a puffy grey sweatshirt and sweatpants outfit and new Reeboks, and they both wear iPods and carry cell phones, calculators, clipboards and timers. Goofy and Goofus.

Now get this. Goofy takes the lead, closely followed by Goofus, and commences a series of exercises –--one after the other -- with little more than 15-second pauses. The string of exercises at first glance appears to be a calamity of randomness typical of new lifters, but upon further intense scrutiny the routine demonstrates advanced formation: five upper body movements in a thoughtful and complementary cycle -- incline dumbbell presses (chest and shoulders), straight-arm pullover (two hands, one dumbbell -- lats), sidearm lateral raises (shoulders), incline curls (biceps), overhead triceps press (two hands, one dumbbell -- triceps). They completed three cycles of five sets of six reps with weights that made them work hard.

Who are these guys?

That workout MO has been in the closet for a generation. Where and when did this unlikely pair uncover the lost, forgotten alternative musclebuilding technique? I for an instant regarded them as thieves who slink about in shadows and corners grabbing valuable training ideas from well-schooled and hard-working lifters when no one is looking. My reflex was to pounce on the two lowlifes, but I contained my zealous reaction and withdrew, my third eye fixed on their doings. As soon as they left the gym floor, I put the routine into action.

Weightlifting teaches one awareness, suspicion and self-control.

Going through one’s sack of bodybuilding tricks can be frustrating. You spread wide the wrinkled edges of the crumpled brown bag and dig in, feel around and pull out the same old exercises, or look-alikes, and set ‘em on your bench next to your wrist wraps and coiled lifting belt. Oh, boy! So this is it, huh? Arm day, time for a change of routine and all I have is this mess: assorted curls for biceps and a variety of extensions for triceps. And some of them are so worn out they look worse than the wrinkled paper bag containing them. Been here before.

It is here where thankfulness, another mislaid, unpracticed and almost buried essential, hurries to your aid. Humble gratitude, under the circumstances the least likely quality to seek for assistance, lifts you up and propels you forward. Like stopping to smell the roses, we must be still and notice the wealth of our surroundings: that you stand in the gym amid the iron and steel is a good thing, whether you know your next move or not. Too few people enter such establishments, too few dare or care to prepare. You have training experience and training knowledge. These do not come in little plastic dispensers at the candy counter. Add to your list the awareness that modification in your exercise arrangement is a priority, plus the knowledge and understanding to determine the modification. Further, you have the courage and will to implement that which you determine. These qualities cannot be purchased. They are priceless.

The riches unfold. The familiar gym bag with its clutter of things only you risk touching -- battered water bottle, frayed wraps, chalky towel, sticky loose change, squashed MRPs, smeared phone numbers on post-its and business cards, and that brown paper sack of training tricks ‘n treats -- tells the story of a long, arduous and worthy journey. Though momentarily confounded, the knowing and persistence with which you approach your dilemma defines a responsible, purposeful individual. Each step, sure or uncertain, takes you forward and makes you more, better, tougher and smarter. You’re a creator, an innovator, an improviser, a battler. You are dauntless.

Ahha! What’s this? A dusty, retired slumpbuster created to blast the arms and spirits out of their stinky socks. Had you not paused to refresh yourself with a tug on the ole flask of gratefulness, you might have entertained frustration and displeasure, doubt and eventual surrender. Unlikely, really. That is the course of a loser and a loser does not know a good slumpbuster from a ham and cheese sandwich. You are a bomber.

The bi-tri slumpbuster is neither retired nor old, but another dirty trick to remind you of my favorite builder of big guns, or in the case of gals and fitness rascals, developer of strong and shapely arms. I resort to tricks, smoke and mirrors and teensy exaggerations (lies) to affect the growth of healthy muscle and might. Watch closely.

The slumpbuster is standing barbell curls supersetted with lying barbell triceps extensions. I like 5 sets with reps ranging from 10 to 6 for bis and 12 to 8 for tris. The mass, density, shape and strength of the arms and assisting muscles improve in proportion to the maximum-muscle intensity applied, each set, every rep. Work equals improvement.

Remember, intensity is relative. I work harder today -- focusing, exerting, forging and burning -- than I did 10, 20, 30 and 40 years ago. I move a fraction of the weight with less freedom, I search for an agreeable groove to facilitate muscle engagement with solid effort and I use a frazzled elastic wrap where and when necessary, but I blast it. With one eye on risk and both eyes on the goal, I get what I can while I can. See my crooked mouth? That’s a smile.

Whadaya know... the end of the runway. I have one ole’ battered body to get this tin can off the ground and high in the sky before it’s too late. That and a lot of heart is all it takes.

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BELIEVE IT OR NOT

Ever since the Pearl-Draper seminar dvd hit the market, stocks have gone up considerably around the world. Gym memberships have grown, and those with existing memberships have crowded the doors. Health food businesses are flourishing and people across the nations are eating more conscientiously. Obesity and associated diseases are on the decline. Families are participating in energetic sports and recreational activities, drug use among teens has diminished and crime is down.

Join the feel-good phenomenon; support the remarkable upsurge in global spirits and wellbeing. Send for your P/D DVD today, along with your order of Bomber Blend and Super Spectrim vitamins, and keep the material in which they are wrapped free of charge.

The  DVD includes a one-hour-and-fifteen-minute tape of the July seminar, two muscular slide shows, plus a 32-page booklet outlining the subsequent interview between the mighty one, Bill Pearl, and me in which we discuss some favorite subjects untouched by the seminar.

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