Another Day of Scheming and Day Dreaming
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Occasionally someone reads the IOL newsletter and gratefully commends us for our contribution to their physical fitness pursuits. Thank you for the information and encouragement, they say. Among the appreciative are the well-tuned, keen-eyed literary critics who comment on my effusive writing style, citing my generous use of adjectives, adverbs and metaphors and fortified clichés.
The words I toss together are simple attempts to gain your attention and point you in a sound and agreeable direction in your muscle-building journey. Like well-placed signs on roadways warning of bumps, sharp curves and slippery slopes, I offer advisory cautions and guides.
The subject matter is less prolific than my choice of adjectives and words ending in ly, say my counseling readership. I should think of something worthy to say, they continue, perhaps between sets at the gym or while ingesting cans of tuna and water. Cute!
I am a servant, I am obliging, I am creative, I am positive. I’m real. Thus, the messages in the future IOL rags will uncover real, hidden and, till now, never before exposed secrets. Developing topics include:
1) Building lean and mighty muscle
2) Losing unsightly body fat
3) Growing thick, luxurious scalp hair
4) Earning big bucks restoring discarded gym bags, sneakers and wraps
5) Recycling precious energy from your stationary bike
6) Wining friends and influencing people while living in a fast yet stagnant world where wars rage and drugs kill and predators feast and corruption rules and values disintegrate and leadership deteriorates and people rebel and precious nature recedes and the only good investments in today’s economy is iron and Bomber Blend.
You asked for it.
Hold on for a sec, the phone’s ringing...
Hello... Hi, Arnold... You’re asking me to meet you for a quick workout... You bet, how about the same time, same place... sure, we'll work arms and gut like we used to... I know, some things never change, love the past... Let’s superset the basics and depend on our focus, our internal strength and our passion to guide us as we squeeze the most out of each incredible movement... Yup, steady, hard-working and sure -- lighthearted, yet soulful... Right, we'll blast it... Right, we'll bomb it... Right, you’re incredible. See ya there... Right, bodybuilding is fantastic... See ya.
Wow! That was a blast from the past. Gosh, I’m awash in memories.
One of the more outstanding reminders surfacing during that short, yet scintillating conversation with Arnold was the intense and immersed style of training we shared in the past. I don’t believe such training exists anymore, surely not in surplus. And the reasons why are multiple.
Consider for a sec the handy-dandy enhancers from the underground, proliferation of current training methodologies cautioning against any hint of volumous training, the obvious increase in techno-based physical apathy and languor, the introduction and takeover of sparkly, non-inspiring, look-at-me gym atmospheres, the co-incidental loss of gyms that matter, and the general chaos of minds of men and women, and boys and girls today. Morals and personal responsibility ain’t so good either.
Arnold is one of a kind, strong, sincere and vigorous. Folks around here call him Arnie and are grateful for the good work he does. He’s attentive to detail, he’s fair and he’s not against getting his hands dirty to repair a mess. He owns ABC, the Auto Body Center on High Street near Dunkin Donuts... drives a restored ‘69 Pontiac GTO muscle car with loud pipes. We work out when we have time, which reminds me of my current stream of conscious... um... dribble of delusion.
Are we becoming busier, yet less active texting techno-headed scatterbrains developing unbelievable cellular gadgetry while developing unbelievable limitations to physical exertion, endurance and pain? Absolutely, I say, with the exception of a courageous band of warriors known as bombers, who regularly spread wide their wings and raise their spirits of strength and health.
Periodically I’m compelled by the great Force of Iron to remind us of mankind’s unnatural descent and impending vulnerability. Kinda like pointing out ones fly is open or blouse is unbuttoned or mouth is drooling or nose is dripping or clock is ticking and it’s getting late. Fix it if you care -- you certainly can -- before it’s too late.
Our workouts are our first and last stand against the deterioration of our bodies, the wiles of the world and the destruction of the same. They are also fun and exciting, fulfilling and lovable. And they work most effectively when accompanied by smart eating practices.
Secrets, concealed facts and obscure truths flow from my long-sealed lips like pouring rain. You’re all wet, Draper.
Last week obesity was the headliner. This week (finally), gaining lean muscular weight is the focus of our conversation. Oh, my! Time flies when you’re babbling. I’m thus compelled to dash off a sally of little-known weight-gain proposals (low-tech facts, freeform ideas, unstructured notions and educated guesses) that work for most people. They’ve worked for me for over 50 years.
Eat better, train harder, be tougher, think surer and rest morer.
Of course, there’s always the slightly expanded version:
1) Late flash! Gaining lean muscle weight is a slow process. Lots of good food, hard training, guts and persistence required. One must not pursue weight gain randomly or surrender to the tediousness of the process. Backward steps are too hard to recover. Never give up.
2) Seeking lean muscle only is a frustrating mission as few -- I’ve known three or four -- are blessed with the superior metabolism and genetic blueprint. And waiting for lean muscle to grow is like watching a pot of water, it never boils.
3) Though lean muscle mass is the desired goal, gaining muscle mass, or bulk, a solid composition of muscle and essential adipose tissue, is the more common achievement of size-conscious musclebuilders.
4) Well distributed bulk is appealing, useful and rewarding for most lifters with long-term goals and a tolerance for temporary bodybuilding smoothness. Proper bulk provides strength and energy to overload the muscles during a workout (hypertrophy) and plenty of tissue building resources for muscle development.
5) Guess what... The lifter must eat more and better meals -- a balance of complete protein, nutrient-dense carbs and non-greasy fat meals. Eat smaller portions more frequently throughout the day without failure for better nutrient absorption, more consistent tissue-building provisions and less system overload. Break out the Tupperware and embrace the routine of preparing meals for the road. Missed meals are backward steps.
6) Drink lots of water. I repeat -- water, water and water and no soda pop. Soda is a crime, water is divine. While on the subject, no junk, no garbage, no kidding.
7) Most serious muscle builders drink milk, eat dairy, consume eggs and include red meat in their diet. There’s more: A quality protein powder as a dietary supplement and meal fortifier is a most effective and convenient weight gain tool. I vow under oath, Bomber Blend is the best.
8) Remember: Fresh fruit and salads are invaluable for weight gain, health and system vitality. EFAs from olive oil, flaxseed and fish add health to the body and calories to your musclebuilding diet. I periodically forget to include the above and suspect you do, too. Living foods and essential fats are great warriors and supportive cheerleaders. Lock and load! Go, muscles, go!
9) Drugs and chemical enhancers are out of the picture. They work hastily to supply greedy needs, but so do petty theft and grand larceny. Getting something for nothing is for nobody and no one. Once you open the outhouse door, it’s tough to shut. Stinky, too.
10) Workout sessions, along with meal regularity, take center stage. Know yourself, know your training and persistently bomb it without overtraining and without failing. Common sense, instinct, practice, trial and error, observation and time teach... guide. Missed workouts are backward steps.
Limit your aerobic schedule to three 15-minute blasts a week and think training intensity. I have an acquaintance who doesn’t do any aerobic activity, convinced it interferes with his mass gains and muscle retention. He adds the conserved time and energy to his regimen of intense weight training, believing his thus-amped training is sufficient for cardiovascular health. Hmm...
11) Rest and relaxation are as important as drive and vitality to developing lean muscle. Snooze good, rest and de-stress regularly, and meditate on building a strong body and mind and soul when musing.
12) Remember the words of one of the greatest lifters in the world, Sir Winston Churchill, “Never give up. Never give up. Never! Never! Never!”
The secrets are revealed, the buried treasures uncovered, the gems of truth are fixed in settings of gold. Light replaces darkness.
Peculiar thing about musclebuilding secrets, there aren’t any.
When you’re a bomber, nothing is new. The only thing remaining is hard work, love, hope and faith.
Throttle forward, steady as she goes, soar... DD
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