Flash: Fitness is for Everyone -- You, Me, Them
Photo by Tom Peterson, Zimbabwe, early '70s
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Wakey, wakey, no mistakey! Time to shape up for your vacation: walking, jumping jacks, knee bends (cute ‘n good), squats, deadlifts and presses (bad ‘n ugly). Clean out the fridge and empty the cupboards: no soda pop, no beer, no chips, no sugary stuff and no grease; more protein, more water, more salads and enough fruit, and smaller meals regularly throughout the day. And last, but not least, gobs of discipline, heaps of commitment and piles of perseverance, regularly.
Go. Do not hesitate and do not look back.
I won’t say a word about Bomber Blend and Super Spectrim. It’s against our no-marketing-within-the-content-of-the-newsletter policy. We hate hype! We love Bomber Blend, it tastes great and it’s great for you, but we hate hype.
My nephew, Matt, lives in Florida and, with a little help from his family and friends, publishes a popular fishing magazine called Gaff.
It’s like IronMan, only for fishheads instead of muscleheads. Very cool. The mag is packed with fascinating and informative articles to entertain and instruct devoted sport fisherman, and plenty of colorful ads for everything related to fishing and boats, from super sharp hooks to furiously fast craft.
Matt, knowing I eat a case of tuna a week, asked me to write an article for Gaff about getting in shape for one’s fishing vacation. Apparently, like muscles and barbells, you can only write so much about fish and hooks before your eyes scale over and the waters run dry -- let’s add physical fitness to the table of contents. Why not? Worked for Joe Weider.
Flash: Fitness is for everyone -- you, me and them.
The last time I went fishing I caught a pickerel, maybe it was a perch, from the side of my rowboat on Lake Gerard in New Jersey. I was 12 years old and the slippery fella was three pounds. I already had a few clanky-clunky years of weights behind me. I was fish-fighting-fit and felt like a 50-horse Merc. The three-pounder didn’t have a chance.
I let the little guy go as quick as I could... back to its friends, family and sweetheart. I can’t fish, I can’t hunt, I can’t swat a fly or kill a spider, but I can squeeze the daylights out of a dumbbell... a small dumbbell.
Today, thinking of a fishing vacation, I imagine a bunch of guys loading a boat with tangled gear, some scraps of bait and plenty of ice cold beer. Fishing? In shape? What’s it take... hic... to hoist a coupla... burp, snicker... cool ones? (Matt’s gonna kill me if he gets wind of my take on fishing and fishermen.)
Like musclebuilders, there are some serious fishermen out there who can use and want all the help they can get. Thing is, basic physical fitness covers the needs of everyone -- tax collectors, dog catchers, bartenders; ladies, gentlemen and fishermen.
Pure, unadulterated fitness is, in fact, the most sensible and least demanding physical condition one can pursue, and is achieved by sound eating habits and fundamental exercise. Physical conditioning is common sense; fitness reflects personal responsibility.
I like to think of being in shape as the consequence of habitual conscientious living. We need to attend our fitness always, as we do our hygiene, literacy and civility.
Ah, but training for a sport can often be strenuous, relentless, tedious and time-consuming, AKA passionate and dedicated, obsessed and weird. Ugh! Who needs it?
Well, guys and gals like us with scraps of steel and iron filings for brains. That’s a whole ‘nuther story, boys and girls. For the remaining mobs, gangs, tribes, clans and concerned individuals, male and female from 10 to 100, keep the workouts simple... sensible, fulfilling and on-going.
Here’s my plan for the recreational sportsperson (not your typical worldwide physical wreck) who wants to add boomzoom to his body and capabilities for the fishing trip this summer, or the trip to the mall later this afternoon.
I’ll spare you the fundamental philosophy because you were secretly indoctrinated in the opening paragraph. Review it, meditate upon it, commit it to memory and practice it now and always. I’ll make some modifications, however, on the deads, squats and presses.
Walk a lot, jog if you can, sprint if you’re able -- three or four times a week: a mile minimum on the walks and commonsense applied on the ambulatory upgrades. Wha?
You need a gym, down the street, around the corner or in your garage, on the deck or in the basement. Here’s where you comfortably and regularly, and with attention and deliberation, practice your freehand and weight-resistant exercises.
Be strong and courageous.
Start with 10 minutes of torso and midsection exercises to warm up and get the body in motion, which leads to action, which leads to muscle and might, and endurance and endorphins... victory and euphoria (never ends), fame and fortune. Rope tucks and leg raises are my choices. Ease into everything, never rush. Push, but don’t burst. Smile and be happy... or grumble like a fool.
Give yourself something like three hours a week for your dedicated resistance exercise: 60 minutes, three days a week or 45 minutes, four days or 30 minutes, six days a week. If you’re present and accounted for, committed and diligent, the few hours invested will reap great and inestimable rewards, today and tomorrow, in you and in those around you. You’re becoming a better person and people notice it, including your kids, your spouse and you... of all people.
The crew on the boat will be amazed and the bass and marlin will high-tail it to get out of your reach. Not so fast, finely-finned fish-fellows.
I have a favorite selection of exercises for pre-fishing vacations. They are fundamental and fun and will help you haul the wily and wobbly wet wascals aboard with energy and might. Or they will enable you to sit patiently as you watch your limp unstrained line play dead in the baby blue waters (forbearance and self-control; major benefits of disciplined training).
Assuming your steady walking (with a weighted backpack, up hills and stairs, across rugged terrain), jogging ‘n sprinting activities are sufficient for leg strength and stability, you can devote your weightlifting solely to upper body exercise.
Half the battle is won; you’re ready for the primary muscle- and strength-building, push-pull exercises that enable you to wrestle the big ones and hoist them aboard... without fatiguing, tearing your biceps, trashing your back, groaning and losing a grip on your pole and yourself.
No problemo, unless you have scales, fins and a tail.
Chest, back and shoulders:
Push -- flat bench press, dumbbell chest and shoulder presses on an incline bench
Pull -- overhead lat pulls, seated lat rows, one-arm dumbbell rows, pullovers
Biceps and triceps:
Push -- lying and overhead triceps extensions, pulley pushdowns, dips
Pull –--barbell curl, dumbbell curl, standing, seated, incline and alternate.
Next week I will disclose the secret combinations of exercises for the three-day, four-day and six-day routines, which to this very moment have never been revealed to the living public on the face of the Earth or elsewhere. Trust me.
Sometimes it’s tough being a bomber, keeping the proper balance of reality and imagination, fact and fiction.
Bombs Away... DD
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