Then and Now
Promo shot from the movie, Don't Make Waves—Dave with Sharon Tate
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This cruel mockery was written 10 years ago when I thought I was old. I called it “Solid, Bold and Mighty.”
I ache all over, but don't worry about me. I can still work out in spite of the self-inflicted beatings. Fortitude to carry on day after day needs cultivation, obsession and relentless exertion. The stiffness in the joints, of course, is an affliction we suffer, as the years weigh heavy on the ole Olympic bar of life. I'll make it. I've invested in wraps of various shapes and sizes to fit just about everything that moves; liniments don't help, but I like the eye-watering medicinal smell. I've got a secret Tupperware container hidden in the recesses of my gym bag for tubes and jars of the stuff, mixed with bottles and tins of Tylenol, aspirin and ibuprophen and Tic Tacs... I call it my hope chest.
Don't worry about me, though I confuse the 10s for 5s when fumbling to change the plates too quickly (quickly... ha... I wouldn't know quickly if it took me by surprise). I think of color-coding the weights but forget about it by the time I'm in my truck heading home, faint, gasping, nauseous and searching for my brake pedal. Don't miss the hearing much cuz I concentrate better in the silence and don't have to listen to all that dumb noise they call music these days. Whatever happened to Doris Day and Nat King Cole… the McGurie Sisters? Thank heaven for protein powder, eggs, bananas and milk. If I had to chew my muscle-building foods, it would take all night and day gnawing with my wobbly choppers. Don't need ears and teeth to blast it. That's what I always say, though nobody listens to me anymore. They'd listen, I’m sure, if I didn’t sneer, stammer and squeak when I speak.
But, don't worry about me. I don't mind being alone; get more done, more time to blast it. Don't have to wear that ragged "Don't bother me, jerk, I'm working out!" t-shirt anymore. Getting older isn't bad. Old bodybuilders never die; they just bomb away.
Now then… wheeze… let’s get started... cough, cough… what were we talking about? Oh, yes, solid, bold and mighty workouts and their attributes… snort, sniff. They keep you young, you know, and alert. A good workout three times a week keeps you strong and slim or gets you there if you're not. Exercise takes stress and strife and stuffs it in an iron and steel compactor and crushes it. Your system is like a bunch of parts and molecules (complex scientific information) going off in different directions causing internal and external confusion; weight training and good nutrition put everything in proper order. Sleep better, stand taller, relate honestly, laugh harder and more often, attract the opposite sex effortlessly, and gain riches and natural authority -- cool stuff like that.
Let me give you this week's solid, bold and mighty workout routine, The Cluster Bomb.
At this point back in 2001, I outlined a routine that included deadlifts, cleans and presses and squats. Are you kidding me? Today, if I did any one of those exercises the paramedics would have seizures trying to revive me. Instead, this is what I’ll do today.
Smith PBN – moderate weight for exercise execution purity, accentuated muscle contraction (tris and delt) at peak of movement, and to prevent shoulder overload and injury. (3, 4 sets x 8 reps)
Superset with –
>>> Seated lat row using a wide handle with a 20” to 30” spread. Start from a full-forward arms-extended position, pull to a tight contraction to the chest and waist regions (mix ‘em intuitively for interest and effect and muscle endurance) and do not lean backward beyond a bold thrust to accentuate the action. Seek a seated upright posture for your brief end position. As in all musclebuilding action, you make it happen by focus and form and force. (3, 4 x 12 reps)
One-arm dumbbell row - You know the drill. Bend over, grab the dumbbell, position and stabilize your body properly and pull, employing a full range of movement from the hanging start position to a preferred point of tight contraction. Old guys beware – too much thrust and the hips and lower back will revolt.
(3, 4 x 8 - 10 reps)
Stiff-arm pullover - Close-grip with bar or single dumbbell or pair of dumbbells
>> Thumbs-up curl. Nothing complicated here, though I could give a detailed explanation of the exercise and screw you all up. I like the thumbs-up detail cuz I have 69.5 years on the shoulders and limbs and the modified execution feels good. (3 x 10 – 12 reps)
Superset with --
Pulley pushdown - Push hard. Again. (3 sets x 15 reps) You’re done.
Before you go, have you been eating your protein lately? Muscles are made of protein, you know. I agree with those docs who declare that no adult should ingest less than one hundred grams of the precious ingredient no matter what size they are. Unless you have a pre-existing kidney or liver ailment, extra gobs of the stuff are not going to hurt you. Au contraire, seniorita. As well as being the prime ingredient of muscle tissue, protein is a superior source of energy --unlikely to add fat anywhere. Excuse me. Espousing such propaganda get can a person in trouble -- strong and muscular, but in trouble.
Insomuch as I am a dedicated life-long and youth-filled musclebuilder, I feel compelled to cheer (holler loudly, kick and scream) for protein. Bomber Blend is the best protein powder in America, possibly the Milky Way… Taste – Quality – Price – Mixability -- Musclebuilding Certainty. Shake, pour, gulp and grow. Works!
Curls and presses… Double D
God’s strength…
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