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Hello, it is I, David Grim, your illiterate Iron City weatherman. It’s grey, overcast and 50 degrees in the middle of the day in the middle of the summer in the middle of the coast of California. The environmentalists say its global warming. Really! The word is out the Governor failed to pay the gas and electric bill and the Golden State has the brokes, the brrrs and the blues.
I’m headed for the gym in what feels like a tent, or maybe it’s an overcoat. An outdated rag, it was buried under 150 well-worn T-shirts, fits like a sack and smells like mothballs. In a pocket I found a pair of ticket stubs to a Jackson Brown concert in San Jose. Gee, some things never change. Running on Empty…
In ’77 I was 35 and dumb as a doorknob. Now I’m twice as old in half the time and smart as a stump. That doesn’t mean I forgot how to chuck the iron or chug the tuna. I got me some wisdom just in time. Wisdom is like wrinkles; it resides serenely where youthful muscles once danced.
Hi, it’s me, Davy Sunshine, your bright-eyed reporter from fabulous Iron City, USA. Search me, but three days have cruised by since my last weather update and the sky is gold and blue and hot all over. Global warming due to global cooling has the EPA, an ice-cold mob, hot and bothered and all fired up.
Confused? Mad? Bad? Sad? Go to the gym and work it out. If you have the spine and savvy, the guts and will, you will. Within the first two sets you’re on track and going somewhere important. No rush, not anymore. Just one rep, one set, one exercise at a time. Plan promptly, focus directly, exert sufficiently, feel thoroughly, move efficiently.
There, isn’t that better? No fuss, no muss, no self-annihilation. Maybe some lovable annihilation next time, if you get the urge.
I’ll be home alone the rest of the week. Up till all hours, sleep till noon, fast food, party, party, party. Laree’s packing her toothbrush and heading to Long beach for a three-day Perform Better Seminar. There she will absorb the abundance of titillating knowledge and film and record the headline speakers. Hard work, lots of bright-eyed people, several cameras, coordination, timing, this angle and that, zoom in, rolling… what, no film in the camera… what, no sound… what, the speaker hasn’t arrived… cut…
Thus, we are slipping in this make-believe newsletter -- a day early you might have noticed -- to prevent you from going astray. It’s a cruel thing to see a musclehead gone astray. Drool, slits for eyes, darting hair, twitching, slouched… and that just describes the neglected spouse.
Gotta go… the Postmaster is knocking at the door… Special Delivery…
Godspeed… DD -- Destiny Diablo
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