Rock Hard Muscles in a Flash
Your Weekly Super-Silly Snoozeletter
Frank
Zane
Well, not exactly. I borrowed the snappy caption from a muscle magazine on the newsstand. Caught my eye immediately; sounded catchy, provocative and hopeful; and we could sure use a dose of that these days.
Here we have a summertime routine for the bored and burdened, time-pressured and antsy musclebuilder-escapist. Notes before starting:
1) Perform five to ten minutes of crunches, leg-raises and hyperextensions -- mix and match -- prior to the workout to warmup, prepare and develop the whole system.
2) Workout schedule consists of three separate routines to be practiced on three alternate days a week.
3) Lighten up and fly, if you’re seasoned, or settle down, look, listen and learn if you are not fully airborne. Gotta break in those wings, get used to the heights and the wind in your hair.
Day 1
Flat bench, followed by
Wide grip pulldown behind the neck, followed by
Bent over lateral raise for rear deltoid, followed by
* continue five-set multi-set or break into two separate supersets
Dips of choice, followed by
Standing barbell curl
And repeat, 3,4, or 5 sets of each, ranging reps from 6, 8 to 10 reps according to feel and purpose.
Day 2
Dumbbell incline press, followed by
Dumbbell stiff-arm pullover, followed by
Seated lat row, followed by
* continue multi-set or break into two separate supersets
Leg press, followed by
Leg curl and calf raise
And repeat four to five times with reps in the 8 to 10 range.
Day 3
Steep dumbbell incline press, followed by
Sidearm lateral raises, followed by
One arm dumbbell row, followed by
* continue multi-set or break into two separate supersets
Dips of choice again, followed by
Deadlift with arms slightly bent, full thigh assistance... the accent
on everyday functional lifting form
And repeat 3, 4 or five times with the 8 to 10-rep combination
Are these a random mix of exercises without apparent purpose, meaningless concoctions to keep you busy? I don’t think so. They are a scientifically balanced sequence of movements to wisely actuate the structure for maximum muscle and strength development, to engage the body in a most precise scheme of resistance geared to optimize muscle shape, density and sharpness in the least amount of time or dissipated motion; an exercise in exercise performance, stamina, concentration and muscle adaptation. And, as some of you experts and professionals immediately noted, they are an exclusive blend of original, personally invented and patented super bomber exercises... to build rock hard muscle now.
I urge everyone to try the above well- synchronized routines for a break, for discovery, for growth, for answers, for fun, for adventure and for your country. They appear to be chaos, but they are order… they look like a tangle, but they set your training and thinking straight... at first sight, a cursory afterthought... in practice, they take you there.
Power up... Dave
LAS VEGAS BASHER CRASHER
A little known bodybuilder from the past approached me the other day and asked, “Would it be okay if I attended the Las Vegas IOL Bash in October, to grub some lunch and pick up some tips and hints?” I said, “Sure, Frank, you’re a nice enough guy, just don’t make a mess.” I dashed the affirmation, “He’s OK,” along with my initials on my business card and handed to him. “Will you have a guest speaker during the question and answer time?” he asked, as he took the pass and promised to sit quietly in the back. What audacity, I thought, and almost snatched the card out of his hand. He wants barbecue ribs and a bodybuilding star, too.
I drew upon my reserves of maturity and control, tenderized by a fine measure of compassion and said, “Look, Zane or whatever your name is, don’t push it. You get what you get in this tough ole’ world and you keep on smiling. Be there or be square.”
Now some folks might think I was hard on the guy, but remember this, bombers -- a little lesson in training attitude while we’re at it -- you’ve got to be intense, direct and immovable as you confront life, its oddities and its oddballs. The boy will survive and be better for it.
Excuse me. In case you were yawning during my silliness and missed my convoluted message, the honorable and incomparable Frank Zane will be with us bashers at Paradise Park on Saturday, October 19th, at 11AM. He will eat, drink and be merry. He will share his musclebuilding views and, unless we successfully disarm him early on, will play his harmonica with childlike gusto rather than tell us how to get ripped.
Frank and I are the same age, from the same golden era and from the same cereal box. We’ve shared steak ‘n eggs in Venice, California, and thick, dark beer in Belgium between exhibitions, smoothed oil on our backs moments before some pre-judging in Great Britain and wore sombreros and posing trunks on stage before an outdoor arena of whooping Mexican bodybuilders drinking tequila in Guadalajara, I believe it was.
We are very different and very much the same. He’s perfect; I’m a frustrated perfectionist. I stand on my toes and flail my arms in the air, he leans back with his arms folded across his chest; Frank knows when to start, slow down, stop and start again, I just keep on going to avoid making decisions; the man can think deeply, I use my imagination and generally guess.
When it comes to training and eating, we travel on the same train and invite you aboard at the Vegas whistle stop. We can separate the truth from the lie, fact from fiction, and pour light on old misrepresentations and wive’s tales. We will tell you what we did and do, and maybe what others did and didn’t do, and only guess at what is done today and why.
Frank has a booth at the Mr. Olympia Expo and I’ll join him there Friday to cause minor trouble and greet his fans. The great Olympia convention is a bodybuilding circus and sideshow that never fails to rekindle sparks of enthusiasm and spirit, and buzz a bundle of otherwise dormant nerve endings. Certainly good for a few head-shaking, I-don’t-believe-it laughs as well.
I’ll keep you posted, of course, without overloading the newsletter and boring you to death. For the restless there’s a secret routine at the end of this letter exclusively for building large rock-hard muscles without waiting.
TORQUE CONTRAPTION MAKERS
There’s this very likeable guy, Odis, from Indiana who stopped by the gym last week with his fiancé of 15 years. He’s an engineer who considers things from every angle for a long time before making any sudden decisions. Just ask Cindy, his loyal wife-to-be. Now Odis and some college chums who did their time working for sterile corporations decided to match their skills and start a private engineering and manufacturing enterprise. They’re doing well -- inventive, producing and respected. As a tangent venture to their conventional engineering business, they have built a line of commercial gym equipment, Torque Athletic by name, to compete with the high-end market with low-end pricing. They’re smart, and greed has not spoiled their collective soul.
Torque equipment is handsome, features creative functional touches and will withstand the brute force of a rhinoceros stampede.
Odis knows me from way back and wants to work with me to create a powerful piece of equipment for home use: rack, bench and super attachments that work, really work, for muscleheads like us. This would not have the appearance of a trellis for growing ivy in the not too distant future -- no coat rack, this, but a proud piece that is efficiently compact but not squeezed... does everything, not poorly but very well... inspires vigorous use and almost guarantees lean body mass and power. It would not be mass-produced, but rather built unit-by-unit; an internet item with no advertising, distribution, warehousing or sales reps; maker to purchaser with subsequent honest, low pricing to match. The piece would bear my name and overall input.
And so we wonder, is there a market for this, The Iron Dungeon by Draper? Apply the valuable yet cost-free technique of whispering advertisement. Sell one fine-looking steel mass at a time until there’s a fine-looking steel mass in every neighborhood from Secaucus to Seattle. Make the world a better place.
I’ve seen one or two interesting home devices in the marketplace, but they carry the burdens of the corporation with them -- bottom-line scrutiny, volume production, quality-sacrifice, many heads and hands in design and profit margin.
Odis and I have an idea a minute. We decided to make a thick-bar cambered curling bar and rack for arm-crazy lifters and metal thick-bar gripper attachments for dumbbells and barbells to appeal to grip fiends or the grip-impaired or giants. We have a secret super squat bar contraption, too, since you’re being so snoopy. Can’t wait to get my hands on the prototypes. The questions are, will they (O and D) really do anything at all, is the Bomber selling out and turning into a sleazy bottom-line salesman, is anyone paying any attention at this point and, last but foremost, what does Laree think?
STELLA THE STAR
Musclebuilders and body revivalists: We are all looking for a cookbook that feeds us an abundance of protein and natural wholesome ingredients, and is brimming over with passion and originality.
The former we have on our shelves at home and they feature recipes for tuna salad on whole wheat with sprouts, elfin tuna filets with carrot sticks al dente, tuna casseroles with all-natural cheddar cheese and tuna-out-of-a-can a la drapier with pure water on the side. Is there no end to creativity? The chef goes on to elaborate on his or her long-life, smiley-heart cuisine inspirations to include open-face chicken breast sandwich triangles accented with living celery spears and parsley-topped skinned chicken chunks accompanied by iced green tea and daring turkey dishes that taste just like turkey. Gee. I’m slobbering.
The latter -- zesty originality -- is conspicuously inconspicuous.
I’m not being fair. There are a number gourmet health chefs and food makers in our own homes and on the written page who can really mix it up. But we need all the help we can get... we need another star with a pen in one hand, a spoon, pot and pan in the other and a heart and mind filled with nourishing body-building and smile-producing food ideas. In our midst one such star stands out from the rest and blazes, shimmers and shines. Close your eyes.
Okay, open them. It’s Stella, IronOnline’s very own original Queen of the Palate, marathoner, squatting phenomenon, formerly size double X -- now petite and friend of the underdog. A twenty-something mom with a hundred years of experience tucked under her slim waistline is writing an informative muscle-high cookbook with uniqueness and inspiration and drool. Laree is the publisher; I am the... well... I... um... do nothing... something... I clean the spoons and bowls?
Is a month before Christmas a possible availability date? Don’t ask me. I just clean the bowls.
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