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Life Without Iron


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Some days I can’t wait to get to the gym, some days I can’t wait to leave. I love and need the iron more than ever. What a knucklehead, huh? But you must admit I hang with a good crowd. We bombers could cover the decks of every aircraft carrier in the fleet. Look at the camera and wave... say cheese. What a smiley bunch!

While I’ve got you all here at once, a question: Have you noticed how seldom we stop and think? “Dang, I never thought of that,” you say, “too many gadgets and things, distractions and worries to pause and ponder.” Got that right, Speedo, but the older I get, the more I find myself daydreaming... been daydreaming for 50 years. You’ve got to try it.

Here’s a worthy consideration: What would life be like without training... the weights... the iron... the bombing...the gym? Sit, think, rollover, play dead...

• No obligation to the gym -- zero

• No precious hours each week set aside for boring workouts

• No getting up early, coming home late or missing the couch ‘n TV cuz of the gym

• No gym dues

• No cross-town traffic, parking and fighting over barbells and dumbbells

• No dreaded anticipation of another dreadful and tedious, miserable and rotten exercise session... oooff and ugh and grrr

• No attention, or very little, to diet

• No aches and pains from hard work or injury

• No psyching-up for the iron in your spare time

• No counting endless sets and reps and measuring ever-shrinking biceps and triceps or counting grams of protein, carbs and other such nonsense

• No punishing yourself, beating yourself or criticizing yourself while flexing in the mirror... daily

• No specialized gear: mirror, lighting, baby oil, gloves, wraps, belt

• No grief about having missed a rep

• No guilt for having missed an exercise day

• No hysteria over having missed a week

• No doubt about your training methodologies

• No fretting over plateaus or overtraining or undertraining

• No stress over slow gains, or none at all

• No planning your vacations in advance to accommodate your workout schedule and protein intake

• No rationalizing or defending your musclehead hang-ups to friends and family

But wait, bombers, there’s more to life without the iron -- there’s less... stop and think about it:

• No handy and outstanding muscular strength

• No wonderful and priceless energy and endurance

• No muscle tone and gorgeous hips

• No broad shoulders and big guns

• No “Hey, big boy, going my way?” or “Hey, baby, what is happening?”

• No exhilarating pump, no musclebuilding burn, no last rep and no max rep

• No clink, clank, clunk, thunder of metal, spots, spotters and spotting and no chalk... life’s heartbeat

• No huffing and puffing, wheezing, coughing and sneezing cuz of poor health

• No guilt every time someone says fat ‘n bloated or trim ‘n fit, or the word diet

• No wearing baggy pants and baggy shirts, or pants and shirts too small to fit

• No asking the kid to take the groceries to the car, thanks anyway

• No seldom-developed sense of personal responsibility -- take good care of it -- you break it, you own it, you fix it

• No highly defined discipline from seeking goals and achieving

• No well-balanced forbearance from engaging, observing and waiting and hoping

• No inspiring perseverance -- to never quit

• No exhilarating, sustaining fulfillment... the physical life is powerful and worth living, set after set, rep by rep, one workout at a time

• No deep-rooted self-understanding from tough and cautious introspection

• No self-confidence, the result of striving and surviving

• No advanced intuition and common sense from inventing and improvising while overcoming ripping heavy challenges

• No heart and soul born of iron alone

And if someone stares, it’s not because you’re a hippo or an ostrich; it’s because you’re looking good and quite humble about it. Training does things like that to hard-training trainees -- I call them muscleheads, ironheads, lifters and bombers. They’re cool.

Enough thought for one day; my head hurts. I’m going to the House of Iron to relax and pound my body silly. Wanna join me? Love your company.

Bombers bomb best... Godspeed... The Bomber

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