Can I Go Now?
From Don't Make Waves
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It’s 50 degrees and gloomy in the middle of the day in the middle of August in the middle of coastal California. I’m wearing long johns under my tank top.
I’m not complaining, but then, when have you ever heard me complain? If I can’t say something positive and uplifting, no matter what the circumstances -- divided country, lousy economy, joblessness, corruption, terrorism, warring nations -- I just keep my stinking mouth shut.
Inspiration is my thing -- inspiration, encouragement and love. You don’t like it, step off a cliff.
So, there I am minding my own business sitting on the steps to the back door of the Weight Room in the grim sunlessness of the fading summer when some old dude about my age drags his sorry butt over to me and says, “I need help.” Right away I’m thinking, lay him down gently, loosen his collar, check his pulse and air waves, maybe administer CPR, if I can remember how that one goes and call 911 fast (ring, watch, check his wallet for cash).
“My condition is not critical,” he assures me, “Just a word or two of advice will do.”
He goes on to tell me he’s a brand new member of the gym and totally new to exercise. “All those bars and iron plates and benches and pulleys. Really?” He wondered what I’d do if I was him.
Immediately, I picture a recliner, Tivo, warm milk, e-z chew high-fiber biscuits and low stress. And, then, I recalled he specifically asked what I’d do if I was him, man to man, duffer to duffer, relic to relic, geezer to geezer.
It touched my heart, but I’m an old softie.
After I explained hypertrophy, anatomy, physiology, training psychology, nutrition and the powers of Bomber Blend and tuna and water, I secretly devised three routines he could execute, rotate, alternate or combine in the next few months as 2011 eases into 2012.
He tried to escape on two occasions. Once, offering a lame apology (sorry… gotta go), and a second time, threatening to call the police (help… police), but while he was nodding off, I applied a head-lock and step-over toe-hold to demonstrate my elder-fellow nimbleness and enthusiasm.
Having regained his attention, trust and confidence, I presented my trio of workouts. They are short and sweet, simple but tough, basic yet challenging; plain nevertheless interesting, unadorned and attractive. He agreed emphatically, eying the duct tape.
Each routine engages the body completely, head to toe, inside to outside. They utilize an assortment of hefty equipment designed for straightforward development of strength and health, to be handled with one’s preferred degree of effort and level of understanding. You betcha.
I suggested he ride the stationary bike for 5 to 15 minutes, or until he falls off or needs to scream, whichever comes first. I sympathized, a complicated choice and not for the mathematically challenged. Good warmup, good cardio, good leg work, good grief. I scream after 20 seconds… actually, it’s more like a howl.
Smiles, duct-taped to the squat rack, nodded… a good listener after all.
Routine One
1) Kneeling rope tuck (1 set x 20 reps)
2) Bent-leg dumbbell deadlift, up into shrug and relax (2 x 10 reps)
3) Flat-bench dumbbell press (2 x 10 reps)
4) Seated lat row (2 x 10 reps)
5) Barbell curl (2 x 10 reps)
6) Pulley pushdown (2 X 10 reps)
Routine Two
1) Bent-leg leg raise (2 sets x 10 reps)
2) Full squat while minimally holding onto rack for balance (2 x 10 reps)
3) Heel-raise off block (2 x 20 reps)
4) Very light dumbbell flies (2 x 10 reps)
5) Straight-arm dumbbell pullover (2 x 10 reps)
6) Thumbs-up curl (2 x 10 reps)
Routine Three
1) Kneeling rope tucks – heavier weight (2 x 15 reps)
2) Incline dumbbell press (2 x 10 reps)
3) Sidearm lateral raise (2 x 10 reps)
4) Wide grip pulldown (2 x 10 reps)
5) Dumbbell curl (2 x 10 reps)
6) Dips -- machine-assisted (2 x 10 reps)
Each routine, though not sophisticated or grandly engineered, is a standalone. Combined with one or both, as you please, they become serious musclebuilding efforts. And performed with consistency, intensity and enhancement, they will bring you joy, wealth and recognition… or make a monkey out of you. Trust me. They never fail, most of the time.
They are reasonable versions of the routines I do today: enhanced, mixed, thoughtful and grateful.
Oops! Gotta go. Laree, my recently hired hand (willing to work, does as she’s told, a little cranky, but shows potential) is off to catch a plane to Southern California. There she has a four-hour conference on functional movement to film and 27 seminars to record through the weekend as she catches up on some casual pool-side lounging in the sun.
We leave now. I must get her to the airport on time, coherent and unscathed. No problemo…
I can’t find the keys to the car, which is out of gas… there’s commuter traffic on the freeway… an overturned semi at the summit… a burst gas main at the airport off-ramp… I can’t find my pants…
Go… Godspeed… Dave
Late Update: The sun came out. Laree made it. Smiles got loose.
>>>>>
Everyone has heard of the light at the end of the tunnel, but few have experienced it… or know anyone who has. Lo and behold, Laree D has, and it is neither daylight nor the headlight of an oncoming train. It is the 3.5 hour, three-disc DVD series by Dan John called Intervention: Course Corrections for the Athlete and Trainer.
Three months ago Dan John gave an in-depth seminar about the fundamentals and intricacies of correct training structure for the focused athlete. Cameras rolled as he described, demonstrated and detailed on blackboards the functional movement systems and their achievement. In the ensuing months, Laree edited the raw material, arranged it for clear understanding and added files of related information to present a bright light to which few tunnels lead.
Here’s a quick look: Dan John -- Intervention, new release!
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