E! True Hollywood Story

Time, that remarkable phenomenon that disguises itself as everyday life, is presenting twin Command Performances this week at the Bomber Space Theater. Two years ago some ogish comedian from the Canary Islands infiltrated the IronOnline discussion group and suggested we all have a party at our gym in Santa Cruz. Sure, I said, I've got nothing else to do. I'll invite Laree. Seven months ago E! TV contacted me and said, "Let's do a True Hollywood Story." Sure, I said, I've got nothing else to do.

How did I know they were serious? Sunday night Laree and I are unwinding from all the last minute preparation for a seminar, barbecue, "Don't Make Waves" and "Beverly Hillbillies" showing at the town's favorite movie spot (The Nickelodeon) and a night out at the Santa Cruz Boardwalk (California-style IronOnline party) when a peculiar sight is before our eyes on our seldom-watched TV screen. A guy about a hundred is sitting on a bench in a gym talking like a dern fool about lifting weights instead of getting a real job.

Before the night was over we had 200 email messages. The east coast showing was three hours prior to the west coast and they, in inimitable east coast fashion, could not wait to drop a line. One was more special than the next. An eager guy said, "Dave, I really enjoyed E! TV's special on you. I've been training for two years. Could you tell me how to build big arms?"

I'll try to say thanks to everyone, invite them to dd.com and offer them the newsletter. This could take some time as I'm marinating steak, chicken and fish these days. Gotta make salads and pick up the bread from Gayle's Bakery... don't forget the wood for the fire.

As I recall I was writing a... er... book about the plight of over-fed, overweight mankind. Here I am in the midst of contributing to it. Laree and I are surrounded by food, food preparation and the recruitment of volunteers to peel, skin, trim, stack, wash, mix, fix, deliver, pick up and eat everything.

The Sentinel, the Santa Cruz County newspaper, is doing a story (photographer and all) on the whole bash. Aren't you sorry you're not going to be here, Bombers?

The truth is we're pretty excited. Last count, seventy-two IronOnliners will be here for two, three or more days to celebrate, plus a gang of good old World Gym members. They're arriving by plane, car and Greyhound from as far away as Alaska (this one's bringing salmon from local waters), Denmark, Pennsylvania, Florida, Texas and New York. Plus, of course, that character from the Canary Islands who started it all.

Plans long in the making are upon us as if suddenly. Don't let them slip through your hands, we fret, or they are lost forever. And, then, there are the memories — thin moments — that last and last like brothers and sisters, iron and steel.

Imagine, many of us have known each other through email for over two years and have shared unusual occasions, some more meaningful and forthright than those with our friends with whom we walk and talk. Had to re-read that last line to make sure I didn't set us up for being a sorry bunch of lost souls. Not this hardy band. No, sir. I'm beginning to get nervous. I don't want to be discovered for the imposter I am. Too late now. The curtain falls Thursday as the first bombers make their descent.

God's Speed... Dave

Fact: Television adds 25 years to one's appearance due to the distortion of light as it is refracted through the lenses of the camera and then delivered to the TV screen where it is further distorted to present a crotchety character that in no way represents the true youthful and muscular image. (TV FAQs of America)

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