Stella's Adventures in Squatting Journal

The Big Day

"The flesh alone is not the reaper of the advances you acquire. Look for—better yet hunt for—and gather the riches along the way that develop solidness, depth, and width to the character and mind. Each and every workout provides, reward, encouragement and good cheer. The gym experience never fails; the lifting, tha straining, the winning and the losing make you stronger...Every workout is an uncovering of fortitude, the further excavation of patience and persistence and a prosperous mining of discipline and humility" (Dave Draper, "Brother Iron Sister Steel", p.34)

Today's goal: 2x8 135 ( warm up) ;10 x 165; 7 x 195; 5 x 225; 3 x 265; 2 x 295;Singles with 315 then 330. If feeling good, try a last one with 345.

Well, I survived my first single.

Saturday's workout started off on the wrong foot. My "partner" for the day was 40 minutes late because she wound up conversing with her mom about a guy she met the night before. I was through my warm up sets when I got a call saying she was just getting on the on-ramp. I had no choice but to stop and stretch and do some abs about another 20 minutes. She figured I was just going to do cardio until she got there! There aren't words to describe my feelings-just picture some type of enraged animal in a very tiny cage.

I eventually stopped wanting to strangle her but wound up working a little too fast through my first few sets trying to settle down.

295 was fine and not scary to me although whenever I increase weight I think I go a little bit too slow and cautiously, making myself bear the weight for precious additional moments of time. The habit is to look up for a little prayer, unrack, get into a position, and pause again before heading down.

295 was 25 pounds more than I've done before though so I went down very slowly and missed my depth on the first two so when I heard "Deeper, Stell", I did one more and it was to parallel and good.

315: This was so slow it is like slow motion when I rewind it in my mind. On heavier sets, I always want to make sure that I'm in control on the way down but wow, I felt it was too slow. Again, I missed parallel by about 2" and knew it. Since I thought this might be the last set, I was forced to just do another. It was good but I felt really disappointed in myself for not just
doing it the first time. 315 was about as far as I felt comfortable really managing on my own with the spotter I had (the smaller guy in the pictures).

330: I had not really planned to do this after the double but in walked JR. He is one of the good guys. We are seldom are ever in the gym at the same time due to schedules but when we are we train together. There is friendship and trust there and he understands what its like to want to know if you can do something.

As I stood under the racked bar, I told myself to go down as far as I felt comfortable doing, nice and slow, just to feel the weight and fear, not kill myself. It was heavy and as I coiled downward the weight pushed itself down and I dipped just below parallel. "Oh shit!" was the only hazy thought that went through my brain. I was surprised, needless to say, so I paused a bit too long at the bottom. It was a brief realization of fear mixed with excitement that I was half way now and all I had to do was get it up just as smoothly as I'd brought it down. The simultaneous presence of fear in my mind whispered to me that I could drop it softly and safely and just fall forward. (Nah!)

I've always been one to rise to the occasion.

Good immediate drive on the way up and I now feel proud to have maintained control during the "decision" . However, it was a bit too fast of an ascent because dipped ever so slightly forward on my way and almost lost the lift. JR grabbed my waist to help re-stabilize. Before he finished saying "Whoa, girl. Get it up" I'd re-centered in the "sphere" and recovered. This is the
kodak moment captured in the one of the electronic pics I sent to you. I was relieved to re-rack that one!

I suppose you see the parts I would change to make yesterday somehow a better day. You can probably tell I wouldn't mind sticking to the 315 for a couple of days or having a Bill or a JR there every time I trained..but that is what I could offer yesterday. I do not know why I have struggled with the sense of disappointment all over this last lift.

I have tended to feel boxed in before with structured, written out plans. In truth, from workout to workout there has never been any interconnecting relationship-just an underlying theme of progress in one way or another. I never want to lose the sense of enjoyment but yesterday I saw a reflection of what happens when you focus the lens. My training will not ever be the same...and I say that with tears in my eyes. Something in me was fulfilled.. or I shall I say "fed"? Yes. I tasted something special yesterday. Something else is coming in my training-this I feel.

Thank you, Bill. Really- thank you for taking the time that you have. Thank you for listening and encouraging me over the last 6 weeks.

Stella

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