The Air and Ground Show

Top of the skies to all you flying wonders and crazy airborne kids...

It's me, The Bomber, zooming in for a minor overhaul and some R and R. The wings are holding up, but there's a drag in the tail section due to excessive heat and insufficient fuel sources. Made good time and didn't miss a target, though dark skies, poor visibility, curious charts from outer space and the absence of a navigator led me to regions unknown to man. Give me a map, directions and a vehicle and I'll take you on nightmarish excursions you will never forget: Desolate back roads in the straggly forgotten countryside and eerie side streets amid abandoned factories and crumbling tenements -- lost in misplaced America.

I have been to the gym four times since my return and the workouts have been good and tough, providing the stability I needed after doing pirouettes for a month. Endurance and strength were commendable though five pounds of me are distributed indiscriminately between Minnesota and Massachusetts. I ate very well but not enough. I'm lean at 215, a bodyweight I would not seek out of choice but accept, as it is the byproduct of a meaningful cause. I will restore the spent weight before my next magical mystery tour through the northwestern states later this month.

Seems as if Laree has her sights on the south and Texas and NYC and what's that small planet the other side of the moon? "Dave. Sit, stay, roll over... atta boy," she says, "And, now, big fella, these are called hoops." Who said you can't teach an old dog new tricks? I'm beginning to understand the value and mechanics of the book tours, and they're well worth the wear and tear.

The month of August stands apart from the others, as if someone else wrote it and I play one of the cameo roles. I, along with a cast of a hundred inimitable characters, presented 19 one-night, real-life performances before an engaged audience... ourselves. Except for an occasional miscue, ad-lib or stammering, things went smoothly. I met literally bunches of terrific people, made new friends, met old friends for the first time and was amazed that not one jerk surfaced along the way. We learned something, laughed and reminisced, thankful for today, as we prepared for tomorrow.

All Barnes and Noble Booksellers, like chains of other varieties (Wendy's, The Gap), are similar in layout and design. They are boldly appealing, comfortable and well populated. It wasn't long before I casually disposed of at least one distress, the unknown... not to diminish their grandness, all Barnes and Noble look and feel the same. I found also that being caught in traffic, lost on the freeway or minutes from being late worked to my advantage. I was so relieved to finally arrive at the get-together after the agony of searching, speeding, steaming and sweating that I wanted to hug everyone within reach and just hang out, safe at last among long-lost family. My behavior took on the appearance of king-size friendliness and unbridled enthusiasm.

The gatherings ranged from 30 to 50 folks of all ages and their interests swung from losing the tummy after childbirth (right up my alley) to preparing for competition in the spring of 2003. Several young men had lost over 100 pounds and wanted direction in the loss of the next 50. What supplements do I suggest, shoulder repair, training after 50, 40 or 30 and what do I and everyone else in the room think of the bodybuilding scene today were among the popular topics we tossed around. Seldom were the meetings over in less than two hours, and one night in St. Louis, red-eyed diehards left after closing at 11PM.

Before getting started I generally asked who, if anyone, was a regular visitor of the IronOnLine web page or participant in the discussion group. Hands went up in every group -- two, four or eight -- with beaming faces belonging to the outstretched arms... I do, I do, I do. This gives me the opportunity to introduce our community of bombers to the others and invite them to join in the fun and games. Recruiting bombers is a compulsion.

I don't know if anyone learned anything sitting in the folding chairs in the crammed aisles of any of the gab-session book signings from Minneapolis to Boston. It wasn't the information that was important so much as it was the association of the muscle-minded, the distribution of hopeful and contagious energy, the common consideration of unlikely subjects and reflections of the past to stimulate the present and sustain the future. Yeah, that's probably what it was. Anyhow, it was good.

Wonder what the West Coast looks like in the fall? Situps in Seattle, chins in Chico, pushups in Portland...

THE RUBBER BAND IS A BIT OF A STRETCH

I stashed a black heavy-duty Exertube and adjustable spring-loaded hand gripper in my over-sized gym bag for comfort before I headed to faraway places. I broke out the gripper every other day 'cuz I missed squeezing something solid and metallic soon after I was in the sky. Five sets of 12 to 15 reps only slightly soothed my needs, but then I'm a tough cowboy.

The rubber band, though thick and black, looked like a dismal replacement for near-immovable steel, but then I'm bad and can make the best out of a bad thing. Besides, I was having withdrawals -- fever, cold sweats, hallucinations, the whole nine-yards... you know what I mean -- and the band started to look real good.

This is what I did on three alternate days to maintain my pump and sanity:

I attached one end of the tube waist high to a doorway by closing the door on the tube itself. I then proceeded to do five sets of 10 to 12 reps of eight different exercises that I simulated after in-gym cable movements.

The first of the series were the two exercises we've discussed before that work the rotation cuff when overcoming shoulder injuries or to pre-empt shoulder damage. You stand erect with your arm bent (90 degrees) at the elbow and held close to the upper body, grip in hand with appropriate resistance within the band, and rotate out for one set of 25 reps -- tough last rep. Change stance and grip and repeat with the other arm and shoulder. This is done back and forth, non-stop, till the five sets are complete.

Immediately, perform the same sequence of sets and reps, rotating inward to accomplish further shoulder region muscle building.

Without pause, assume a staggered stance sidewise to the door assembly. Grasp the handle while under sufficient resistance of the band with the hand furthest from the door, crouch to gain a stable position and allow the hand, arm and lat to extend fully toward the door, pull steadily with the lats and arm bearing the load to extreme contraction of the associated biceps and back muscles, twisting your torso logically as you do. Five sets of 10 to 12 reps, back and forth, non-stop, to burning and winded completion.

Onward to simulated cable crossovers for the pecs, curls for biceps and triceps kickbacks for tris. Tight contractions, think metal -- not rubber -- and keep moving, looking for a rhythm and burn and pump. You control form as you seek the target of the resistance. This stuff works real good, especially if you have some muscle, some training background and some heart. You have to believe it or, like anything else, it will bomb.

Raise the band to the top of the door, bend at the waist and with both hands on the one handle perform a straight-arm pulldown motion for the underside of the torso, serratus and arms. Alternate this with overhead triceps extensions by facing away and leaning away from the door -- one-arm movements similar to throwing a baseball in slow motion. Extensions and contractions for five sets of 10 to 12 reps, each movement.

I'd better stop here, as I'm mixing baseball with weight lifting, and you've got to draw the line somewhere.

I did 40 sets in 30 minutes. I worked hard 'cuz I felt like it and soon found something was really happening. If you don't have the need to fill and don't persist in your search for a good thing, it won't be found. Once you're sailing you have to drop anchor to stop.

Be inventive. Keep the lights down low and build your own routine for the fun of it when you're locked up in a motel room and nobody knows your name.

WHAT REALLY MAKES YOU FAT?

Those five words in bold print are spread across the pages of the September 2nd issue of Time, the weekly magazine that has competed for first place on our newsstands since I was a tyke doing crunches and curls in my stroller. I read the article to see what I've been missing and found a rerun of the fat-and-carb wars that began somewhere in the '70s, when researchers in biology and nutrition believed they uncovered the "truth."

The word "exercise" was mentioned several times within the nine-page expose; "protein" was referred to casually maybe five and old-fashioned "muscle" slipped in once or twice. The keys that unlock the door, which leads to the answer of the question asked in bold print under the word TIME, were essentially upstaged by fat and carbs; lost in the thicket, shoved in the closet: Muscle, protein and exercise didn't play into the equation.

Maybe Newsweek has the scoop.

Finally, the author dashes the hope in the recently discovered fat-burning hormone, leptin, and assures us that the FDA promises to overhaul its shaky food pyramid in 2003. Interesting enough reading if you have the time on the stationary bike, but not enlightening for the adult guy or gal up to his or her ears in extra pounds -- eight out of 10, I believe, at the last count. The other two out of 10 are simply under-muscled.

Not to worry. Laree handed me a printout from CNN's website that reads "McDonalds to reduce fat in French fries 48% with new cooking oil." Seems the masses are getting picky about their fat intake lately and the fast-food chain's bottom line is getting slim -- stock's down 10% since January. That'll get Fat Mac's attention every time.

Another tidbit from the same source claims poor diet and lack of exercise cause more chronic illness than smoking. Aren't you glad you train hard and eat right and don't smoke?

Block your wheels and tie down the fuselage. Fall wind's coming up quick.

God’s care… Dave

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