Me Five, Make that Ten, Do I Hear Fifteen?
bulk up or not to bulk up this winter, that is the question. Perhaps
not the question on everyone’s lips, but I’m stirred
by the email of those readers who are lightweights, inch along in
their struggle for muscle and resist the long-range adventure of
bulking and bombing.
It’s been so long since I’ve strayed from my automatic
menu of essentials that I’m beginning to take on the features
and personality of The Muscleman Robot by Mattel. Pull the string
from my lower lumbar and I say, “Where’s my tuna and
water?” or “I want Bomber Blend.” The voice is
monotone and mechanical, the expression serious and the movements
stiff. I’m not much fun to play with anymore and I won’t
up would change my appearance and I could start pushing the weights
around in the gym once again, maybe even some of the members like
I used to when I was younger. “Hey, I’m using that bench,
lady.” Lately, they just ignore me or hiss. I hate that.
tough to listen to your own advice when push comes to shove. Adding
muscle is cool, but at the cost of the quivering striation in your
pecs or the loss of that brazen vein tracing a solitary path across
the biceps? Hmmmm. Who really wants to trade in his minor six-pack
for a major keg? (Yes, the only clothes that fit me are out-stretched,
extra-large sweats but I can squat with plates, Bubba.)
weight at 6 feet, 220 pounds and 60 years will require a few adjustments
and it would be a good idea to spend 30 seconds answering some basic
questions, like: Why? How? When? What about your training? No doubt
we can all learn from a review of the list.
can go around in a circle before the answer is clear. Various personalities
roaming within my concerned body clamor to be heard.
Wonder is curious and his goal is to observe the bulking process,
determine its current success and failure possibilities and report
it to the IronOnline readers. -- Studious.
big, bad and insecure child wants to growl and flex and get huge
and strong, that’s why. You got a problem with that? -- Stupid.
guy who writes the newsletter, DD Dull, says, “It’s
time to stir it up and stretch it out: Keeps the interest from freezing
up in the winter and fires up the goals before the spring.”
-- Smart, almost.
put some meat on those bones. Plenty of good food under the power
of good training is good medicine.” Here we have the observation
and optimism of the logical, but often spacey elder, Doc D, who
inhabits the thin air of the cosmic web pages and speaks his mind
occasionally. -- Sensible.
Blond Bomber looks forward to blasting it through the winter and
building up his muscle stockpile for getting ripped in the spring.
a change, a challenge, a worthy goal, a fun and interesting experience,
healing and stabilizing and defensive. It’s productive (unless
you already register 30 on the BMI scale or have busted out your
is straightforward. Only a few choices are available at the captain’s
table, the same meal schedule with bigger portions of protein and
complex carbs. Steak dominates the plate and butter melts on the
vegetables. Additional servings of fruit and cottage cheese are
sought, and the protein powder flies like a B-52. Another meal might
be tossed in just to be revolting. A flagrant option (hold onto
your hat) could be the inclusion of stuff like ice cream and cheesecake.
I dunno, girls and boys… this is, like, weird.
becomes a primary activity, shopping an event, food costs rise,
muscles grow and that’s that. Quality food and careful feeding
begets a quality body and superior well-being. Protein powder must
be logically assessed as an integral part of the food budget, not
as a supplement. Protein shakes are valuable and inexpensive meals,
not secondary snacks. Cut out the cappuccino or beer or the spouse’s
is sometime in November as The Bash fades from the headlines and
the world goes back to normal; as the filmmakers decide who will
star in the screenplay and when it will be released. Five months
of living in sweatshirts and sweatpants can be ugly, and it sure
is dumb. In March and April the cocoon is slowly shed and the morphed
creature emerges. What if I gain 15 jiggly pounds of fat, it’s
stuck like pudding everywhere and I can’t lose it… ever?
Life is often cruel.
about the training? That will unfold as the food intake and the
body weight increase. I’m certain it will be similar to my
current methods of operation with an increase of the weight handled
in most exercises. Strength improves agreeably with the addition
of food and pounds. Motivation increases in a reasonable, direct
proportion with the increase in muscle strength. And, unless the
mass gained is too much, too soon and too loose, endurance and energy
will rise as well. We become ideal muscle builders with the perfect
anabolic environment: fuel to press on and on, ingredients for extensive
repair and construction, developing body weight to accommodate ever-growing
muscle overload and the amplified attitude to motivate. Stand clear
of moving parts.
personal records in favorite heavy lifts (squats, deadlifts, dumbbell
presses, thick bar curls) that provide comprehensive stimulation
will frequent the agenda. Risk of injury will be carefully monitored
and overtraining avoided.
peeking under the oversized sweatshirt … ride the spin bike
for 20 minutes three or four times a week instead. Keep your eye
on the springtime and your grip off the love handles. Feel the power
and pump and don’t scrutinize and criticize tone and shape.
You are not scratching an itch or rubbing your nose. You are a work
in progress, not a canvas to be unveiled. You are a construction
zone, persons at work, a hardhat area where machines and material
are scattered and in use. Proposed completion: late spring-early
mid-October, the sun is shining, the sky is blue, the air is warm
and the skin is glowing beneath short sleeves. Bulking up, packing
on the pounds, getting huge on big steaks and heavy squatting under
layers of sweatshirts sound like the pressing plans of a tomorrow.
now I’m going to get some fall rays out on the deck while
they last. See ya later.
the time you receive this conjecture, Laree and I will be zooming
across the desert to reach a cool halfway point en route to Las
Vegas. Wish you could be there so we could talk face to face while
they’re covered with barbecue sauce and big smiles. I’ll
give the gang your best and save you a few ribs if there are any
left over, although, you’d more likely to get a 600-pound
bench press for reps.
on, dear friends. Dave
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